Dictionary.com defines the word fear as: A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
When we are talking in terms of imagined fear (which is pretty much what is keeping us from living the life of our dreams), It is defined as:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
It has never become more evident to me, in my own personal life, than right now. The miles I am mentally and emotionally traveling right now have opened my eyes to all of the fear I have stored away in the deep tunnels of my mind.
So let's talk about fear. Where does it come from? How does it make us act? React? How does it keep us from doing things that we seemingly would love to do.
Limiting Beliefs.
These are beliefs your subconscious mind has held onto since you were a child or at anytime that you went through an emotional trauma.
- Our parents and their parents and their parents and so on have been taught certain values. When you were a child these values were instilled in you. Whether you agree with them as you got older or not, your neural pathway is flowing in the direction of what you have known since you were young. Its a comfort zone. Fear sets in when you want to go in another direction. Consciously, you know where you want to go and what you want to think but subconsciously, you are held back. The fear in this situation is actually "what would happen if I did it a different way?" The unknown is what is causing you this fear. Not to mention the hard work it takes to modify your neural pathways to think the new thoughts.
- If you went through an emotional trauma, your subconscious mind remembers the way you felt. It will do anything in its power to keep you from reliving that feeling. Let's say you were in a relationship and you got dumped or cheated on. Your mind remembers how devastating that felt and it will not let you feel that way again. So, when we enter into a new relationship, we may sabotage it on purpose solely out of fear of that happening again. When the reality is, the chances of it happening again are small. However, subconsciously, you will display certain behaviors in accordance with that fear and the relationship ending will be a self fulfilling prophecy. Consciously you love this person and your relationship is great. But subconsciously you are only looking for the negatives to keep yourself protected should you get hurt again.
Anxiety
I know for me personally, when I go through a particularly stressful period in my life anxiety tends to rear its ugly dumb head. Anxiety is basically physical manifestations of imaginary fear. Your body does not know the difference between a real or imagined fear. You could be in South Africa being chased by a lion or sitting on the couch watching t.v. Your thoughts of some situation are revving up your brain and the same chemicals are being released from your brain into your body. Your body then prepares to fight or flight. Most of the time you flee. This is a panic attack and you have to get out of wherever you are right away. When you choose to fight, it comes out as rage and anger. You can have anxiety without panic. You can have episodes or irritability and impatience or severe emotional sadness.
How it holds us back
When you are laden with fear you cannot be yourself. Your thoughts are crossed. Things that you normally love to do, you can no longer do. If you are afraid to drive for example, you will never go anywhere and you will feel trapped. This will create more anxiety. If you have a limiting belief that you have to work a certain job and go down a certain life path on a certain timeline, this will keep you from 1. Figuring out what you really want and 2. Having the courage to go in your own direction.
Let's fix this
If you feel you have crippling anxiety or depression please seek help. There is no shame in talking to someone and/or going on medication while you work out what you need to.
It is key to remember: everything is always changing.
Speaking from experience, I have a tendency to feel trapped. In every life situation. I have to remind myself often that I am free and I always have the right to choose.
Everything changes constantly. Including yourself. We are humans and we learn and grow. And if there are people around you who want to stay where they are let them. You are not responsible for anyone but yourself.
PAY ATTENTION
Listen to your thoughts. Don't be afraid to talk to yourself. Hell, I talk to myself all the time. I even laugh with myself...in public. And then strangers get a laugh and then eventually everyone is laughing and the day just became a bit brighter!
What I am trying to convey is, you are not your mind. You have a wonderful tool at your disposal and that is your consciousness.
* Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. When something feels off use your consciousness to find out what it is and then change the thought. Keep doing this. Keep talking to yourself.
* Be patient. It took a long time to create these neural pathways and it may take a while to change them
* Trust Yourself. You want to change. You took the first step and that is recognizing the issue. Now trust yourself through the process.
* Have self compassion. Be nice to yourself. You can't make positive changes if you are bullying yourself. Love yourself enough to work through it. Until you do, you will keep thinking and doing the same things
* Persevere. Don't give up. You will have rough days. You will slip up and fall back into old habits and patterns. Your subconscious mind wants to keep you safe. Remember. you already are safe. You trust yourself remember?
* Know your support system. Know who you can turn to when you need perspective or just a lending ear. If you know there are people who will just bring your energy down, go elsewhere. Choose your audience. If you don't have anyone close to you (Which is possible because many people are still consciously asleep), don't let that get you down. Remember, you have you. And honestly, learning to be your own best friend is the greatest self esteem booster there is!
* Write write write! Writing is one of the best ways to release emotions and it is also a wonderful tool to change your neural pathways. You don't have to carry a notebook around with you. Whip out your phone and use the notepad.I find that when i am writing I start out negative and by the end the entire thing is full of positive aspects! I also like to go back the next day or so and read what I wrote when I was in an emotional frenzy. But if you do this remember, don't criticize yourself for your irrational thoughts. Be nice to yourself. I usually call myself a silly girl. The reason going back and reading is helpful is because when the situation comes up again (and it most likely will) you will remember what happened last time. Now that's some neural fine tuning right there!
* Know everything will be okay. Your soul knows this already. What is the worst that can happen anyway?
* Go outside. I am an animal person. I love nature. I bet you would too if you allowed yourself. I could watch animals forever. There are few things that can shut off my mind the way animals do. Its my meditation. Just sit and watch a bird taking a bath, or a squirrel eating a nut. Just watching the wind blow through the trees is relaxing enough.
REMEMBER:
- You always have a choice
- You are free
- Change your perspective
- Be nice to yourself
- You are living your life for yourself and no one else.
- Embrace the hard times - you are learning something
- Allow yourself to learn and grow
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